I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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