two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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