The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize