I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
