yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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