the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
