Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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