There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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