sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
