we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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