I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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