I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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