i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
