so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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