also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
