She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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