oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
