Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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