i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
