Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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