I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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