i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have aggressive nipples.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
