the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
