She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
