I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
