nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
