I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the day after is always just damage control
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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