Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
