How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
