is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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