oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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