Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Be still, my beating vagina.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My breasts were aching with rage.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
