Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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