HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
