I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
