I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
