I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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