I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
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