you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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