Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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