I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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