i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
