woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
