i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"