Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?