Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

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  (813): This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along. http://tfl.nu/9dyn
  Replies (22) Good night (4596) Bad night (617)
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  (310): View more from California

  He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what

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  (310): He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what http://tfl.nu/hk6f
  Replies (18) Good night (792) Bad night (3534)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Clearly I made an impression.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or at least your vagina did.

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  (520): Clearly I made an impression. (404): Or at least your vagina did. http://tfl.nu/bank
  Replies (9) Good night (4841) Bad night (957)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.

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  (202): the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine. http://tfl.nu/yvwg
  Replies (15) Good night (1155) Bad night (5372)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil

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  (303): wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil http://tfl.nu/oyvg
  Replies (19) Good night (8687) Bad night (1881)
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  (818): View more from California

  Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.

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  (818): Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right. http://tfl.nu/8nul
  Replies (37) Good night (6032) Bad night (1445)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

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  (330): You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/znwq
  Replies (4) Good night (5162) Bad night (1093)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.

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  (773): He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection. http://tfl.nu/4afh
  Replies (18) Good night (4098) Bad night (984)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.

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  (917): She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/167e
  Replies (5) Good night (769) Bad night (1978)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

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  (586): We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate. http://tfl.nu/plc2
  Replies (2) Good night (1785) Bad night (662)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha

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  (402): I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha http://tfl.nu/npx2
  Replies (9) Good night (1307) Bad night (446)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.

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  (613): hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me. http://tfl.nu/dgyw
  Replies (2) Good night (536) Bad night (592)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me

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  (731): He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me http://tfl.nu/hoyn
  Replies (6) Good night (939) Bad night (282)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"

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  (978): maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk" http://tfl.nu/jf8r
  Replies (4) Good night (282) Bad night (388)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.

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  (302): apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask. http://tfl.nu/f2ag
  Replies (3) Good night (813) Bad night (184)

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