Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.