You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
