90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
