were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
