I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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