mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
