she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
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It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
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If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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