I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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