i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
