So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
