He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
