Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
two words: eviction party
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Pants are for mortals
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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