I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize