I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize