I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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