Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
