Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
