yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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